It's been a rough week in which I have been questioning and doubting myself and my ability to be a good missionary. It's true that I/we can all always be doing more to be what I should be and to be what God wants me to be. That insufficient feeling, the feeling that you aren't good enough to accomplish what is expected of you is never more easily felt than when you are a missionary. Your weaknesses are in very sharp relief due to your own personal judgement and the visible strengths of those around you. Both of these are good things because they are very relevant. The correction and judgment you receive from yourself and missionary leaders is all based on fact and high familiarity with the situation and can be really very constructive. It is good correction and judgement. and I honestly welcome it:) I spent some time scrutinizing everything I have done since arriving in Japan, and despite the fact that it all shows a need for improvement, I feel at peace with it. God knows that I am trying and that it takes time.
I love you all so much. I don't have a lot more time. Right now we have 5 investigators and a lot of people that we are trying to turn into investigators. We are working well with the members and working on reactivation as well. Right now my companion and I are working with two great people that are less active. One of them is coming to church fairly regularly(three times this transfer) and the other one we started working with on Saturday and he has yet to come to church. One of the people I contacted last transfer and started teaching, now has a baptismal date for December 6th. That is two days after transfers, so I hope I get to be here to see it.
Today we went on a hike from Kamakura to Enoshima with all of the youth in our ward. It was a great experience and we have built some great relationships with the younger people and their advisors. We are certainly working hard and beginning to see the fruits of our labors. I have had a pretty bad headache pretty much everyday of this transfer starting in the first week. Sometimes it is painful to walk outside when it is bright, trains are also a little loud. Luckily it has not been enough to stop us.
I know that God loves us and I know that he is watching over us. I can feel him strengthening me when I am weak (all the time) and tired (all the time) and insufficient (all the time). I have seen some pretty amazing miracles this transfer and all of them have served to strengthen my testimony. I have been blessed to see the scriptures from a new perspective and glean greater understanding from that. I know that God's eye is on us. I know that he is cheering for us and heaping blessing upon us. I know that this is his work. I know that we are all His children and we all have incredible potential. I know that if we look at others as what they can become we can help them to reach that. I love you all and I hope you are all doing well.
- Siebach 長老